I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
