Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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