I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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