Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
