I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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