Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
