And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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