I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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