I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
