I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
