obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
