dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
