Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
