if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
