Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
