i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
