i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
