I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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