I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
