I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
