My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
