just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
