You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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