It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
