The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
