the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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