i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
