its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
