He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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