Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
