For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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