u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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