i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The power of my boobs compel you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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