Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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