Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
