Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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