btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
