And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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