Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
