At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
