The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
