My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
