New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
