I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
