He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
