don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
