How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
