If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
