Your mouth is God's brothel.
its not stalking. its research.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
