I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
