So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
