You can't motorboat a personality
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is wine microwaveable?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
