I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
