I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
